Okay, I’ll just say it – one of the things I was actually really excited about when I became a mom was the chance to make new friends. I mean, think about it, after high school, it’s not so easy, right? You’re not just thrown into a room with people anymore and forced to interact.
Sure, there are coworkers, but everyone’s busy, and deep connections in the office can be tough to find since not all of your coworkers are going to be comfortable hearing about your (literal) spilled milk troubles.
I had these visions of Mommy playdates, school drop-offs, and PTA meetings where I’d effortlessly make friends. Then reality hit. Making mom friends? It’s not always a walk in the park.
You’re often so focused on keeping those little ones alive and out of trouble (because, let’s be honest, that’s when they seem to pick the most dangerous activities!). Quick, snatched conversations don’t always lead to solid friendships, but those friendships are SO important. That mixed with “Mom Brain” can make it feel impossible to string together a proper sentence.
If you’re feeling a little lost and wondering where to find your mom tribe, especially if you’re stuck inside with a newborn, this is for you. I’ve got some tips on how to break the ice and get out there.
Why Building Your Mom Tribe Is Essential for New Moms
It might sound a little dramatic, but loneliness is a real issue as the 19th Surgeon General of the United States, Dr. Vivek Murthy, talks about it in his book, “Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World.” He says, “[loneliness] a root cause and contributor to many of the epidemics sweeping the world today from alcohol and drug addiction to violence to depression and anxiety. Loneliness… is affecting not only our health but also how our children experience school, how we perform in the workplace, and the sense of division and polarization in our society.”
Basically, it’s not just a feeling; it’s a public health concern. Having a strong mom tribe can significantly impact your mental health for the better and be the combative force against the loneliness pandemic occurring in adults.
Dr. Murthy also points out an interesting paradox. With all our technology, you’d think we’d be more connected than ever. But his research suggests the opposite. He explains, “While technology promises to connect us, it can also isolate; while mobility means our loved ones are only a train ride or flight away, we also move away from the communities where we grew up; while we increasingly have the opportunity to pursue our individual destinies, we can put our own goals ahead of our relationships and community.” I felt it frequently with my newborn, and I imagine you do too. We can be “connected” online but still feel really alone.
Socializing is truly key for our mental health. Having people to lean on helps us bounce back from stress. Making friends was kind of easy when we were kids, right? We were always around other kids, always playing. But as adults, and especially as parents, time gets tight.
So, with all that in mind, here are some of my favorite spots to meet new people and start building your mom tribe:
Where to Find Your Mom Tribe: Places to Meet Other Moms
Finding Connection in Classes: Build Your Mom Tribe While Learning
Did you know that your local high school or community college probably offers night classes for adults? They’re a great resource if you are a nerd like me and are itching to learn something new. I’ve personally taken a bunch—photography, yoga, cooking, even astronomy. Honestly, they were all fascinating and worth every penny.
These classes aren’t just about learning; they’re about finding your people, your mom tribe–other moms who share your interests. Think about it: you’re gathering with folks who are excited about the same things you are. It’s like instantly joining a club with built-in conversation starters and a head start on making friends. You already have common ground, which makes striking up a chat so much easier. Plus, you get to expand your mind and maybe discover a hidden passion. Win-win!
Your Library: A Hub for Moms Seeking Their Tribe
The library can be a surprising place to discover how to make mom friends. Honestly, my little one and I basically live at our local library. We’re so lucky, because they have an amazing kids’ program, as do many other local libraries around town.
Think music classes, story time, dance sessions, crafts—you name it. Most of their events are during the day, which is perfect for stay-at-home moms, but they also have the occasional weekend activities too. The library is such a fantastic (and totally FREE!) way to meet other moms in the area and try out different activities before you commit to something like a paid “Mommy and Me” class that your little one might not even enjoy.
Join A Local Chapter of “Moms Club”
Meeting people with similar interests is one of the best ways to form a bond of friendship. If your biggest passion right now is being a mom, then a Moms Club might be perfect for you. Moms Club is a national organization with local chapters all over the place. They’re all about building friendships and doing good in the community with other moms. It’s a great way to connect with people who understand the joys (and challenges) of motherhood.
>>>> Click Here To Find A Moms Club Near You
Join A Mommy and Me Class
If you Google, “mommy and me class,” dozens of opportunities are bound to pop up in your search. Some are exclusive to your local area, whereas others like Gymboree are well known nationwide.
My little one (we call her “Princess”) and I tried out a few sample classes at our library first. This was a great way for us to try out what she liked without shelling out cash. It was also a great way for me to meet other moms with kids of similar age. Turns out that you get to know people rather fast when your kids are crawling all over each other on the floor.
An example of one class we loved in particular was through an organization called Music Together. Music Together is offered at more than 3,000 locations and 40 countries. Their focus is to give families with children from birth through age 8 the chance to get in touch with their inner musician and connect with other families.
>>>> Find A Music Together Class
Besides Music Together, other great options include gymnastics, ballet, and water classes like swimming. The YMCA may have some options, though that can be branch-specific. Indoor playgrounds, such as Kids Empire, are great, especially on rainy days. Pay attention to where other people are going when you visit the playground; you might discover new activities.
Look For Other Moms At Meet Up
Meet up and other online forums are a great way to put yourself out there and meet new people. Some events are one-time things, while others are ongoing. Of course, practicing safe internet socialization by knowing where you are going and potentially even telling someone else where you are, but in general, social media has created a fanatic platform of people to connect to one another.
Not feeling Meet Up? Be sure to check out if there are any local Facebook groups for moms in your area. Or better yet, create one and make the group you crave by scheduling park meet ups, mall walking trips, or even the occasional “moms night out.”
Meet Friends of Friends
It may feel uncomfortable at first, but don’t be shy about letting your friends know you are interested in meeting new people. Often individuals have many different circles of friends and acquaintances and having a warm introduction always makes things easier.
See if you can join your friend’s next game night or ask if they know of anyone who you may hit it off with. One of the benefits of meeting a friend’s friend is you will naturally have some things in common and a built-in conversation starter: “How do you now____?”
Be Social With Your Coworkers
For those of us who are working outside of the home, you may be surrounded by potential friends without even knowing it. Before parenthood, you may have been focused on your work projects over making friends. Take your return from maternity as a time to have a fresh start and meet some new faces.
Work is a great way to explore new friendships, and once again has a built-in topic of conversation. Start by identifying someone you have been friendly with before and ask them a non-work related question such as
- “How was your weekend?”
- “What do you enjoy doing when you are not here at work?”
These simple conversation starters can help build personal connections outside of the office. At the end of the day remember, there is a work relationship involved. You do not want to get wasted at happy hour with your coworkers then become the talk of the next group meeting.
10 Tips For How To Make Mom Friends As An Introvert
It’s completely normal for introverted moms to feel a bit hesitant about reaching out and making new connections. Socializing can be draining for introverts, but it’s still essential for our well-being, especially in motherhood. These script ideas and tips can help you start conversations and gradually grow your mom tribe at your own pace.
Focus on the Kids:
1. “My little one is obsessed with [current kid obsession, e.g., trucks, dinosaurs]. What’s been the big thing at your house lately?” (This opens up conversation without directly being about you).
This approach takes the focus off of yourself and onto the children, which can feel less intimidating. It’s a safe and universally relatable topic. You can then follow up with more questions about their child’s interests or compare notes on what’s popular at different ages. For example, if they say their child loves dinosaurs, you could ask, “Oh, really? Which one is their favorite? Mine’s been all about the T-Rex lately.”
2. “This is probably a silly question, but do you have any tips for getting kids to actually eat their veggies?” (Asks for advice, which many people enjoy giving).
Asking for advice is a great way to connect. It shows vulnerability and respect for their experience. People generally like to feel helpful. Plus, who doesn’t struggle with getting kids to eat their vegetables? It’s a common challenge that will often lead to a longer conversation and shared commiseration.
3. “I’m always looking for new playgrounds. Do you have any favorite spots nearby?” (Local recommendations are always a good icebreaker).
This question is practical and can lead to a playdate or outing together. It’s a casual way to suggest spending more time with someone without pressure. You can follow up by asking what they like about those playgrounds or what ages they’re best for.
Simple and Observational:
4. “I love your [diaper bag, stroller, shoes]. Where did you get it?” (Compliments can start a conversation).
A genuine compliment can be a great icebreaker. It shows you’re paying attention and noticing something positive. It also opens the door for a conversation about shopping, brands, or shared preferences.
5. “It’s so nice to finally meet someone else with a [age range] year old! How’s that been going for you?” (Relatable situations).
Connecting over the shared experience of having children of a similar age is very effective. You’re acknowledging the specific stage they’re in and creating a sense of camaraderie. You can share stories or commiserate about the ups and downs of that particular age.
6. “This [event, class] is so much fun, isn’t it? What brought you out today?” (Simple, direct, and relevant to the situation).
This is a great way to start a conversation in a group setting. It’s a simple, positive question that gets right to the point. It also provides context and allows the other person to share their reasons for being there.
Shared Experience Starters:
7. “I’m always looking for new tips and tricks. What’s the best piece of mom advice you’ve gotten lately?” (Invites sharing and connection).
This question acknowledges that you’re also learning and growing as a mom. It invites a sharing of wisdom and creates a sense of mutual support. You might hear some really helpful advice, too.
8. “Do you know of any good local resources for [specific need, e.g., baby gear, activities for toddlers]. I’m still new to the area.” (Vulnerability can encourage connection).
Being a little vulnerable can be a strength. Admitting you’re new or need help invites others to step in and offer support. It can also lead to finding out about great local services or groups.
For Group Settings:
9. If there’s an activity: “This is my first time trying this. What do you think so far?” (Opens up conversation based on the activity).
Again, this focuses on the activity rather than putting the spotlight on you. It’s a great opener for a class, playgroup, or any other structured setting.
10. If there’s a speaker or presenter: “What’s been the most interesting thing you’ve heard so far?” (A focus on something external).
This gives a specific focus to the conversation. It avoids general small talk and allows for a more engaging discussion about the shared experience.
Tips for Delivery:
- Keep it short and sweet: You don’t have to launch into a long monologue. A simple question can open the door.
- Active Listening: Once someone starts talking, really listen. Ask follow-up questions to keep the conversation going.
- “Me too!”: If someone says something you relate to, share that! “Oh, me too! My kid does the exact same thing.”
- Don’t feel pressured to fill every silence: It’s okay to have pauses. Someone else will likely jump in.
- Smile: A friendly smile goes a long way!
Remember, it’s okay to take things slow. Even just a few brief interactions can start to build those important connections, and you’re growing your mom tribe in a way that works best for you. Baby steps are still steps in the right direction.
Conclusion
Whether you’re figuring out how to make friends as a mom or looking to strengthen your mom tribe, taking that first step is key. Whether it be at the library, an adult education class or via online platforms. No matter how you do it, the important thing is that you put yourself out there. It is easy to hide behind your kids schedule, but at some point your kids will leave the house (even if it is just to go to school). Family is great, but having a chosen family via friends is a perfect way to combat loneliness and strengthen your general mental health.
Citations
- Murthy, V. H. (2020). Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World. Harper Wave.
- Moms Club. (n.d.). https://momsclub.org/
- Music Together. (n.d.). https://www.musictogether.com/
- Meetup. (n.d.). https://www.meetup.com/
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Alexandria Theordor is a copywriter who helps fellow mompreneurs build client relationships and growth with SEO-optimized content (blogs, newsletters, captions, website copy). She frees up your time so you can focus on your strengths while she crafts genuine connections through words.
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